I am a Kings kid

I want to be a child of the King. That being said why do I continue to make decisions and act on things as if God was absent from my life all together. I am realizing moe and more that my trust in Him has been verbal and not internal. I am sure that hurts Him because I have been talked to as if I was not really trusted but they said they did. Man, God forgive me for being so inconsistent with the love you have given me. Lord, please help me to trust you with my internal external and verbal parts of my life and not speak it then doubt I DESERVE IT in my next thought and breath. Amen.